Thursday, September 23, 2010


Yes, I'm still alive. I just haven't gotten any philosophical thoughts recently.

And yes, this does mean that I have a philosophical thought now.

A short bit of prose, if you will:


That wonderful, awful thing.

It’s that thing you love and hate, that thing that you know is bad, but you need it. It induces darkness over your mind, and it makes your head hurt late at night. You stay up past 3, thinking about it, knowing it must be a secret, because if someone knew, they’d take it away from you. You could live without it, you know, but it’s your guilty pleasure, and men are that they might have joy, so who are you to deny man’s purpose? So you keep going back, and going back, and you’re making yourself sick over it. Your friend comes over and you have to hide it, minimize your window, stuff it in your pocket, or hide it in your couch cushions.

Maybe they’ve noticed you acting strange. They ask about it, and you wave them off with a smile, and everything’s fine, don’t worry, mustn’t show that weakness, you know, and their easy acceptance makes you wonder if they care. Well, maybe they don’t, and when they leave, your smile drops faster than a lead balloon, and you go back again.

Because you could live without it, but you don’t really want to give it up. That sweet, sweet addiction that keeps you up at night, gives you fleeting moments of pleasure, makes the rest of your day this horrible, dark mess, and you lie to your friends and your family, and you don’t smile as easily anymore. That one time changed your life, and now you can’t stop, and you know you can’t, now doesn’t that just suck?

You’ll spend the rest of your life a slave to your addiction, and all because you thought, just once can’t hurt.


Sorry if it's a little angsty, but I put quite a bit of emotion (namely teenage angst) into this, so that's how it's supposed to be. This was originally to go into my FoDT (File of Dark Thoughts) but it demanded to be shared, so here we are.

Addiction can come in a lot of forms: not just alcohol and drugs. There are some things that I hear are hard to give up; abuse, pornography, gambling, or anything else that, once it sinks its teeth into you, it will never let go.

And it won't ever let go. You have to push it off yourself. Get a friend, get a weapon; in other words, just get help. Even if you don't want anyone to know, you have to tell someone, or you'll just keep slipping into that colorless abyss of empty desire from which you might never return.

I won't say that I don't mean to scare anyone. I do. I mean to show you exactly how I perceive this, to see if I can't at least help someone realize that they've lost control.

Please be careful of what you do. It could change your life forever.

This post is dedicated
To the makers of Criminal Minds
My inspiration for this one
To my dear ones
You know who you are
To everyone who says they're fine
It's okay not to be
To anyone without a FoDT
Get one; it feels good to vent
To the people who are still reading this
You're awesome
This post brought to you by
Blogger through Gmail
—The Lioness

Ad: A File of Dark Thoughts can be acquired wherever a brain exists. Make one, get one free!


lotusgirl said...

This is so well written that you had me worried for a while. Of course, that staying up late writing could be your addiction. Glad we're nipping that in the bud.

Grace said...

So insightful!!!

Congratulations on a wonderful blog!!!

I am glad to follow and read!!!

rachel-ra said...

I'm convinced, I'm getting a FoDT.

rachel-ra said...
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